(Mis)Adventures In Malaysia: Enlightenment Through Excess

Fear and discomfort are our greatest allies and our best of friends, yet we cower and hide from them as though they were our enemies. Everything you want you will find by confronting and embracing them for if you want something, why don't you have it? It's because fear and the discomfort associated with it are standing in your way. My trip to Penang was a prime example of this truth, for it was fear that caused me to almost abandon my trip and if I had done so I would have missed out on the greatest gift a person could ask for... a new understanding, a new way of seeing things and the realization that I have been living a selfish and petty life. There was no way for me to know that what was waiting for me at the end of this story would completely change my life forever.

From the beginning of this trip I knew it was going to be a daunting task and undertaking. I am a believer in omens and right away I was given one. As my plane was flying into Phuket, we hit a massive lightning storm that had everybody on board nervously chatting amongst themselves and it seemed as though I was the only person who was thoroughly enjoying the experience. This became apparent when I accidentally woke the person next to me as I yelled out in sheer joy at the sight of one of the lightning bolts lighting up the entire sky as well as the cabin of the plane. I couldn't help my excitation as I screamed out "Righteous!" upon seeing the massive bolt of lightning ignite the sky right next to the wing of the plane. The person next to me jolted awake and I had to apologize, but I told him to look out the window at the beautiful display of nature's magnificence and beauty. This perhaps was a mistake because he quickly tightened his seatbelt and began speaking in German to his friend in the most anxious fashion. But the plane landed safely and everyone on board was so relieved I could feel the air in the plane become lighter as they all clapped and laughed at themselves for expressing their fear and anxiety now that everyone had safely landed.

Ironically, it wasn't the lightning storm that caused me apprehension at the thought of arriving in Malaysia in just a few hours. It was the weather forecast for the next two weeks which stated there would be non-stop rain and thunder storms and then the thought that I was going to be alone trying to figure out how to find a place to sleep and how I was going to survive two weeks in another country without any help as I had in Thailand. I became filled with fear and anxiety and quickly began searching how to change the dates on my ticket so that I could leave earlier and avoid all the discomfort I was inevitably going to experience. When I finally figured it all out, I was only a few moments away from going through with paying an extra sixty dollars to change my itinerary when I stopped and remembered, this is why I'm here, to push through these boundaries and embrace my fear and discomfort. Why would I back out now when this is precisely the very thing I sought out to begin with? And so, I ignored my fear and apprehension and decided I would see this through to the end, which is exactly what I did.

Upon arriving at the airport in Penang the first thing I noticed was the outrageous prices for taxi's and I realized this was going to be an expensive trip, so I decided to sleep in the airport for five hours and wait until the busses started running and so, I found a little spot behind a food shack and went to sleep. When I woke up, I grabbed a cup of coffee and some food then caught the first bus that arrived after asking a local which one would take me to Georgetown, the only place in all of Penang that had affordable hostels. I quickly exchanged my American dollars into Malaysian Ringgit and hopped on the bus, but I was still confused about the currency, so a Muslim woman ended up paying for me. It turns out some of the nicest people I've ever met live in Penang.

The bus finally arrived in Georgetown after an hour of driving, but I couldn't find any hostels. I walked around for another hour and became too tired to continue so I stopped under an awning and took a nap. It was early so it was still cool enough to sleep comfortably but the moment the sun began beating down upon me I woke up and continued my journey once again. I finally found a hostel after another hour of walking and even though it was quite pricey for what I was expecting I decided I needed rest, so I paid for two nights and went to my dorm room. Paying for two nights was the first smart thing I did for reasons I shall soon disclose.

After dropping off my bags and notifying my family in Thailand where I was staying, for safety precautions, I went back out for a walk around the town. When it got late, I chose to find a place to stop for a drink and found the first place with the word "bar" in it and I went in to relax and order a beer. Unbeknownst to me, this is where my journey would really take off and what ensued would be complete madness and chaos. I should note that from this point forward if I offer the name of a person or a place it will be a fake name, for the sake of the people involved and in some cases for my own safety. It's never been clearer to me until this trip how trouble will inevitably find its way to me without any effort on my part.

I sat quietly for about an hour at this bar watching the bartender, a waitress and this foreign girl sitting at the opposite end of the bar all talk amongst themselves and they seemed to be thoroughly enjoying each other's company. They seemed so happy and comfortable that I decided I should intercede and start a conversation with them so that I can get to know the area and the people a little better. The bartender was a young man, approximately twenty years old, and he was amazing at doing tricks with the bottles as he poured them into glasses. At one point he made himself a drink in which he lit part of it on fire and took a shot. This was the perfect opportunity to inject myself into their conversation, so I asked him what the drink was. He offered to make me one and I of course accepted. It was actually a very delicious concoction and I told him as much when he then made himself another odd drink which entailed him lighting his finger on fire after dipping it into a shot glass filled with an unknown alcohol. I again asked what he made, and he offered me one of those as well. What sort of adventurous person would I be if I didn't accept? So, I dipped my finger in the drink, lit it on fire and downed it just as he did, and it too was very tasty.

It was at this point that the girl at the end of the bar came to sit next to me and we struck up a conversation. She and the waitress were actually seeing each other and they discussed bringing me to some local hot spots, one of which was a hidden liquor store where one could buy extremely cheap alcohol and the others were some popular bars where all the locals and backpackers frequented, but apparently the party in Penang doesn't really start until around midnight, so we just had to stay occupied until then. I figured I should head back to my dorm room and change as I found the whole affair unsettling. Anyone who has ever been conned or robbed would probably think the same thing, so I went back, ate and then changed.

I left my dorm again around nine and went to the bars that I was told about. I ordered a drink and began talking with a German fellow until my cigarettes ran out so I went to a 7-Eleven and grabbed some more, leaving my drink unattended, which would turn out to be a big mistake.

Upon arriving to the store, I saw my bartender and the backpacker girl walking and so I stopped them and said hello. They seemed excited to see me and wanted to take me to the hidden place to get cheap alcohol. I accepted and walked back to my unattended beer, downed the rest of it, paid and then we went on our way. I ended up buying an entire bottle of whiskey for only thirty-five Ringgit and shared it with my bartender and this foreign girl. Unfortunately, my bartender ended up so drunk that he passed out before the rest of the night really started and so the girl and I had to leave this specific bar before we got him in trouble since we polished off the bottle at a table behind his bar.

The foreign girl then took me to a popular bar but upon arriving it was already closing. Looking at my phone I saw it was already three in the morning but apparently the party wasn't over. We all went to another bar and I began speaking with this guy who looked Jamaican, spoke like he was British, but was in fact from Hawaii. While talking with him he turned and began speaking with a gentleman on a motorcycle and even though I couldn't hear what was being said I saw the man on the motorbike hand his keys to this guy. Then the Jamaican, British, Hawaiian guy walked off and into one of only a few bars still open. The man on the bike yelled at me saying he took his keys and even though I had no intention of involving myself in this affair I followed the key thief into the bar as I was curious as to what was going on. It was then that I saw him hand the keys off to an Asian woman who then abruptly left the bar. I've seen this hustle before and wanted no part in it so I left the bar and went to the liquor store across the street, but as soon as I did there was a lot of yelling and a huge group of people began getting physical with each other so I walked back over to the backpacker girl who informed me I had just witnessed a scuffle between gangs. I dare not be specific as to which gangs, but it was obviously not something I should be around.

It was here, at this moment, when my body felt completely out of whack and seemingly out of nowhere. I felt more drunk than I should have been, my body had become weak and I felt like my equilibrium was completely off. I've experimented with more than enough drugs in my time to know that this was not alcohol but something far different. I knew I had to get back to my dorm room before I fell unconscious in an alley somewhere, so I left without even saying goodbye to my new backpacker friend. I stumbled all the way back to the hostel, focused with all my might to locate my key to get in and I made my way to my bed then fell out immediately and found myself only waking three times the next day to puke. I had nothing in me to vomit up, so it was all dry heaving. I didn't wake up completely until the day after my night out and it was eleven in the morning. I knew then that someone had to have put something in my drink and I was so thankful that I had paid for two nights at the hostel because I wouldn't have been conscious enough to know what was happening if they were to try and kick me out. A lesson learned for me and I was fortunate enough to have made it back to safety before I was robbed or had some body parts roaming around the black market. Luckily, I have enough experience and street smarts to know to hide my money in my socks and to leave my debit card at the dorm before I went out in the first place.

I got dressed, checked out and grabbed some food nearby and the backpacker girl had messaged me on messenger. She already went back to Thailand but wanted to know what happened to me. I told her and she agreed that I didn't seem that drunk and that someone must have put something in my drink when I left my drink unattended. I thought to myself that this was not the reason I started traveling as I have more than enough experience with partying and debauchery already under my belt, but then had another thought. Perhaps I should take this experience and run with it in the fashion of one of my idols, Hunter S. Thompson. This was to by "Gonzo Journalism" experience. And so, I left to find another hostel and found a place that was cheaper than my previous one and I spent the day relaxing and recovering. I stayed one night and checked out then went down the street to a hostel that was under renovation. It looked as though I might be murdered in this place, but as I said, I was here to embrace fear and discomfort.

The front desk guy was very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable immediately. He showed me my dorm, a bare room with a cloth for a blanket and three empty beds. You can't put a price on my privacy and that was all I really needed so I accepted and took the room. He and I began talking and we hit it off right away. He was from Syria and even though he doesn't consider himself a refugee, for lack of a better term that is exactly what he is since if he were to return, he could be put to death. After a couple hours of talking we went out to eat and he then invited me out with him to party.

We went out and he introduced me to some of his backpacker friends then we headed over to a super popular party hostel down the street. When we arrived, we ordered some drinks and began playing billiards as a team and ended up undefeated as the night went on. It seemed no one could beat us and when midnight hit, we were the reigning champs of the night. This bar closes at midnight, but apparently upon closing the bartenders stand on the bar and announce that we are heading over to another bar, the same bar the backpacker girl tried to take me to. We were all escorted over like we were on a field trip and while we were walking, two girls, one Danish and the other British, invited me up to their dorm room for drinks. I said I would gladly come but my hostel manager and new friend had the key for me to get into my hostel as I hadn't yet received one, so I had to let him know.

Not five minutes later the Danish girl tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if that was my hostel manager lying unconscious on the ground in front of the bar we were being escorted to. Indeed, it was. There he was, surrounded by a group of people including the friends he introduced me to, lying unconscious and bleeding. It turns out upon entering the bar he had headbutt one of the workers and the person ended up punching him until he fell to the ground. They then dragged him out and here I was standing over him. I asked for a cup of cold water and asked his friend to dump it on him as I just met him and didn't want to get headbutt myself, but he declined. After being handed the ice water, his friend said "cheers" to me, which was my cue to dowse my new hostel friend with the ice water and wake him up. He quickly became conscious again and it seemed as though my night was over since I had to escort him back to the hostel. I took a raincheck with the girls and led him back to our place of residence.

The next day he and I laughed about the whole affair and that night we went back to the bar so he could apologize to the worker for his malfeasance and he of course said it was no problem as this kind of thing is apparently common. And so, we had another night of partying and this continued for about a week. There's no need to go into details about the week that followed as anyone who has gone to college knows what goes on inside a party. But in that time, I found myself becoming a person "in the know" when it came to certain things and I was surprised at how quickly one could become such a person in a foreign country. I took this as a source of pride until taking my friend to a place I had heard about a week before.

Apparently there was a place that was a sort of secret bar, or village, where you walk through a door that leads you to a beautiful place that had food and drinks and even a huge stage area including a walkway with Koi fish swimming under it. I had visited this place a couple times before but only during the day. One night I decided to take my hostel friend here instead of the party hostel and so that's where we went. I took him to the back of this long corridor where there was a button you had to push in order to open the doors to get in and we entered. He followed me as it was obvious, I knew where to go but there was something different about this occasion compared to the other times I entered. It was packed full of people but none of them acknowledged our presence or even so much as looked at us. I led him up the stairs to a bar and there were people playing pool but even they didn't seem to act like we were there. I approached the bar which had no one tending to it and then I looked over at the stage area to find this beautiful woman dressed in a silver sequined gown that appeared as though she were wearing diamonds as it glistened under the stage lights. The first thing that came to mind was Jessica Rabbit from the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." There was a big group of people all sitting at tables taking orders from a waitress and it was then that I realized what we had stumbled into. This was "secret" for good reason. We had accidentally entered a certain gang’s hangout spot, and this was not the sort of gang you want to be noticed by.

I turned to my friend and told him we needed to leave immediately and that I would tell him why when we left. We quickly exited the secret hangout spot and I told him what I thought it was. He agreed and told me it was something straight out of a movie which in this case was not good for us at all. He made me promise to never go back but I was adamant about returning the next night to sit and observe. Although, after more discussion I agreed that these weren't people whose radar I wanted to be on. There is a fine line between crazy and stupid and I almost crossed it. It was during this discussion that I felt I had got "In Too Deep" and no longer relished in being a person "In the Know." I spent the rest of my time laying low and wanting more than anything to fly under the radar as I had already heard that this gang runs most of the bars I had been attending.

My hostel friend and I continued a few more days of partying until the day of my departure but not before I went and saw another part of the island, a place called Monkey Beach. This was the closest thing to experiencing what I started traveling for to begin with as it was a super secluded part of the island with very few people and was overrun with monkeys. I went twice before I left, bringing two different people with me. It was to be the most peaceful part of my entire trip and I am so thankful that I got to see it before I left.

The day finally came when I had to leave and I have to say, I was extremely sad to have to say goodbye to all the wonderful people I met, and for the sake of brevity I didn't share all the experiences I had with everyone as I've focused on the most influential and insightful ones. So, I said my goodbyes and went back to Thailand not knowing that one of the most profound experiences I have ever had would be waiting for me around the corner.

I flew into Bangkok and had a difficult time with finding the correct bus to take me back to Ang Sila but after hours of trial and error I finally made it. The next day a family friend of ours took me out to see a movie and fed me, as she always does, one of the reasons I feel so blessed as a person traveling here in Thailand. After the movie she dropped me off at the house I'm staying in and she went on her way. It was still somewhat early, so I decided to go for a walk. It's dangerous walking alone at night here because of all the wild dogs that nip and bite at your heels as you pass them by, so I have a makeshift staff made of bamboo that I carry with me on night walks. I took it with me and went for a walk around the wharf.

As I walked around the wharf it seemed as though my presence was particularly unnerving to the dogs on this night, as though all my partying in Penang had interfered with my spiritual balance, and so I found a spot to sit and meditate to try and bring myself back into a balance that would put the dogs at ease. After five minutes of meditating the dogs stopped barking at me and finally settled down, but another five minutes of meditation passed and I all of a sudden felt compelled to stand up and meditate at this particular Temple that lay at the end of a super long and dark path. It's overrun with approximately ten wild dogs who on one occasion came inches, perhaps even centimeters, away from biting me when I entered this Temple during the broad daylight.

My voice of reason spoke to me as I mediated and I asked myself why in the name of all things holy would I even consider walking down that pitch black pathway, into the jungle, knowing those dogs are dangerous enough to bite me during the day, let alone during the night. If I was so close to being bit by those dogs when the sun was out what the hell would they do to me during the night when it's so dark I can't even see my own hands in front of me? But before I even realized I was having an internal dialogue I found myself already walking down the pathway towards the Temple.

With my staff in hand and my mind arguing with my body I continued walking. It was as if my mind was split from my body and my spirit because as my mind kept telling me  how stupid I am but my body still went on walking and for some ludicrous reason my spirit kept telling me there was no reason to be afraid. And believe it or not, at this point I had no fear, even though I had every logical reason to be not only scared but terrified. So, seemingly in spite of my reason, I continued walking through the blackness as the dogs continued barking more loudly than I ever heard them bark before. The sound was ravenous and if my mind was in control at the time it would have interpreted the sound as being more than unwelcome, the sound was deafening and terrifying to the rational mind, but I walked on anyway.

I couldn't help but be intrigued by this odd fearlessness that I felt while simultaneously hearing my mind tell me to be afraid, be very afraid. Yet I continued, and then turned a corner and I could see a golden colored gate that was closed, blocking anyone from entering the Temple, and as I progressed in my walking I all of a sudden saw what appeared to be a net descending down from the trees. The net wasn't there before when I came to the Temple, and as I walked through it, I didn't feel any sensations that told me there was a net here, yet the vision persisted. It was no ordinary net as it appeared to be made of some intricate design, like that of the Buddhist and Hindu artwork that colored the background of their sculptures. As I came closer to the net the dogs became louder and now, I could even hear other animals in the distance who also seemed to be disturbed by my presence. I in no way intended any disrespect to this Temple or the animals surrounding it so I sat, twenty-five yards away from the gate, and I tried to meditate again to see if I could calm the animals or even the spirits which at this point seemed as real to me as any dog nipping at my heels.

So, I sat, I sat for about ten minutes meditating, but it mattered not for the animals continued as loudly as they began. I was not calming them. It occurred to me that my stopping and sitting could be interpreted as, dare I say, an evil spirit trying to approach this holy place. This is not how I see myself so I went through a few moments of questioning my goodness and my intentions and came to the conclusion that there was no reason for me to feel as though I were evil so I stood back up and persisted in walking towards the Temple. At this point I saw what appeared to be a half dog, half dragon, standing at the Golden gate and if my eyes weren't deceiving me this dog dragon was moving as though it was protecting the Temple. I blinked many times trying to rid myself of this illusion, but it persisted, and still yet, I felt no fear, and still yet, my mind told me I'm stupid and should be very afraid.

Finally, I came upon the gate of the Temple and saw it was painted gold which is what gave it the Golden glow I saw from the distance, but even in my recollections of the event I can't remember seeing the dog dragon. As I came upon the gate I sat down and wanted to pray even though there was no way in, but "perhaps", I thought to myself, now that I am here, I would not be perceived as Evil and the animals would stop wailing. This was not the case. In fact, the animals became so loud in their wailing that it became deafening upon my ears and it had suddenly occurred to me that I may not be evil, but I was indeed unworthy. I immediately collapsed into a bowed position in front of the gate, my staff laying in front of me as I was completely unprotected now. This moment became so intense I began sobbing like a schoolboy being departed from his parents for the first time. I couldn't stop crying and the animals continued with their wailing. I could feel the dogs nipping at my heels, I heard the screeching of Monkeys in the distance which only told me that my presence was so unworthy that even they could sense me.

Even more so, I felt the presence of entities swirling around me, entities that I cannot offer a description for because my eyes were shut and filled with tears and I dare not look up for I now knew I was not worthy enough to set my eyes upon such a holy place, that is, until I felt something hit me on the back. This was the first time I felt fear and not just thought about it. It made me sit up from my bowed position as I looked behind me expecting to see a dog or something tangible, yet there was nothing there. The dogs were standing at least ten feet back from me and as I recollected the sensation, I would have to say that it hit me on my upper back in the way I would imagine a snake slithering by, but in this case much larger. Excuse my language, but my thoughts were, "What the fuck was that?!?" There was nothing there but my mind's eye quickly gave me an image of a dragon and so I went back into my bowed position as to show my utter humility and non-aggressiveness towards the Temple, which I did for only a few moments longer as I came upon the realization that it was not me per se, but my imbalanced and unworthy spirit that was unwelcome here.

At this point of realization, I stood back up and began walking away. I made it back to my twenty-five yards mark and looked back at the temple and I saw the dog dragon once again, moving in a protective manner. I once again began weeping at the sight for how can my eyes continue to deceive me in such a manner unless of course this was the holy place it appeared to be. Never in my life has such an image filled my sight and yet, blink after blink after blink, here it is, a holy Temple, shrouded in beauty and a net of intricate designs that I could only deduce to be a protective barrier that keeps evil spirits away. And in this moment, I knew the truth that animals are detectors of evil or unwelcome spirits. If you want to know where evil exists, look to where animals are killed and mistreated because they are like the goosebumps that occur on the body when something seems amiss and out of place. They are the spiritual alarm system of nature. At this thought I had yet another odd experience. I was overcome with images of Buddhism and in addition to this, I began to hear the words of Jesus being spoken to me. Now anyone who knows me would laugh at the thought of me quoting Jesus, yet here I am. The words of Jesus began echoing in my head...

"For the hearts of this people have grown dull.
Their ears are hard of hearing,
And their eyes they have closed,
Lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears,
Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,
So that I should heal them."
Mathew 13:15

Upon my departure from this most holy place I had hundreds of other realizations and understandings that are too many to write about and each yet too much to explain as each is as profound as to need another blog article as long as this one to explain, probably even longer as I have come to realize that I am in no way as knowledgeable or as wise as I had hoped I was. But what I did now understand is what was stated in that Bible verse, that only those with eyes to see and ears to hear would or could understand the deep truths hidden within Buddhas' and Jesus' teachings. In fact, the most profound realization I had was that I was a selfish and petty man, and that my entire life had been lived selfishly, only thinking about myself every step of the way. 

I shall not continue with what I had learned from all of this because the most important of them I have already shared. Namely that to be of service to others, or the planet, is the highest honor or duty a person could have. And so, it is that I seek to understand all that has been shown to me and even more, to be of service to others along the way. I don't know what is to be my destiny or my calling but rest assured, I will attempt to be more than I am, I will attempt to be a valuable asset to my community, to the people I meet and to the planet that has allowed me this beautiful opportunity to be self-aware of my life and my breath as I sit here living and breathing. If I were to leave you with any final thoughts it would be this: 

...There is no person, place or thing that does not have the kingdom of heaven or the potential for ultimate realization lying dormant within it, and also that around every corner or at any given moment, there could be a potentially life changing and eye opening experience waiting for you. So never give up, never wallow in self-pity and always be aware that this moment, this breath and this life is precious. Therefore, don't hold back, share your joy with everyone and everything and know that there is more waiting for you if you but look for it and open your eyes to see, and open your ears to hear. Now go out and be the change you wish to see in the world, be the light that shines and illuminates the way for others, don't wait for it, be it.