A summer of pain, a summer of adventure, a summer of love. There's no emotion that I haven't experienced throughout this entire season. Everything from fear and excitement to the depths of sadness and it's opposite, extreme joy. I've covered the entire gamut of the emotional spectrum during my time working here in Glacier National Park. And so it is now, with one month left on my contract, I have begun to reflect on my summer and the adventures, the experiences, that have helped shape me.
It may be no coincidence that I start writing this one month from the day I found out my step dad killed himself. I'm still processing the impact this has had on me but it's also worth noting that the news of his suicide came on the same day as a court hearing I had where I found out I'm going to trial over a license issue from an incident I was involved in while driving here in Montana. This issue it turns out will probably follow me for awhile now. And to top it all off, less than a week ago I had to say goodbye to a woman I met here whom I fell head over heels in love with. But alas, she has to return to her academics back in Bulgaria and I have a personal journey to continue. She and I have agreed to try and keep the flame burning while finishing our tasks and so I have that to look forward to whilst on my journeys.
But besides all the personal drama and backstory, this summer has also provided me with many fun adventures as well. For example, there was one occasion where I was visiting Lake McDonald and my housemates and I took some kayaks and a boat out on the lake. One of the girls we were with got stranded so I decided to switch boats with her, me getting into the kayak and her into the motor boat. We had to do this in the middle of the lake mind you, so the whole affair was quite ridiculous looking.
We managed to switch boats and they took off into the distance. I sat in peace for awhile before trying to paddle but soon realized the reason she had gotten stranded to begin with... half the ore was missing! I attempted to paddle but no matter what rhythm or pattern of rowing I tried I just kept going in circles. I began to get exhausted and so I sat for awhile longer.
The boredom became too much for me so I pondered taking off my shirt to get a tan but then had an idea. "Use it as a flag and wave them down", I thought to myself. So I took off my life vest and took off my shirt and tied the shirt to the ore then started waving it as obvious as I could. That's when the kayak began erratically shifting weight.
My shirt flew off the ore as I regained balance and I threw my head back in an exaggerated way as to mimic Tom Hanks in the movie "Cast Away" when he lost his volleyball named Wilson. I let out a melodramatic cry for my shirt and then felt the kayak abruptly flip to one side as I came crashing with it. As soon as I hit the water I immediately couldn't breathe and found myself taking short shallow breaths against my will. Mind you, I'm in Glacier Park where the water is 30° and that's in the summer.
Besides not breathing I was also wearing hiking shoes that weighed heavy in the water, my life vest was floating 20ft away from me, the kayak was sinking and I'm holding it up trying not to freak out that I'm making a decision between saving a boat or saving my life. I knew I had to think quick because I had started being pulled underneath the water by the kayak and the weight of my shoes, so I let go. I stopped swimming and thinking and just allowed my body to tell me what to do. And so, I let go of the kayak and swam back to my life vest. I grabbed it but only had enough energy to put one arm in it before I swam back to the kayak again. I managed to pull up the sinking, plastic death trap and maneuvered it into a floating position, albeit an upside down one. I finally found a comfortable position that allowed me to rest on it without it or me sinking again and I stopped moving.
I decided that I shouldn't exert any energy if I didn't have to so I just laid on the boat and waited. As I floated there I began to feel pockets of warmth surrounding my entire body and felt tired so I laid my head down and I waited for about another 15 minutes before I saw my friends in the distance yelling for me. They pulled up next to me and we all awkwardly got me into the boat as I shivered and gasped for air.
I quickly got back up and helped my friends pull up the kayak and hold on to it while we rode the motor boat back to the docks. Upon arriving to the docks though, the workers at the rental facility were less than amused by our whole display of recklessness and stupidity. Apparently they watched the whole affair and at no point came to help me because of "liability" issues, and they tell me this right after explaining to me how I was 5 minutes away from hypothermia setting in. You'd think that's it but then they have the audacity to tell me that they called our workplace and complained about us. When we arrived to work/home later that day we found a note asking for everyone involved in the "boating incident" to please report to the office the next morning. When we arrived all we got was a lecture about boat safety and then they were checking in as to whether I was okay or not, being as the water is literally freezing here. For the rest of the summer this would be known as "The Boating Incident".
So many adventures, so many friends that I've made, and so many heartbreaking moments in between all the wonderful moments of ecstacy and joy that I will remember forever. Life it seems is a constant balance between happiness and sorrow, for every thing has it's end and nothing can last forever. We live each moment realizing it's merely a memory experienced fleetingly by the temporary existence of our minds. It's the spirit we live for, the fulfillment of something deep inside us that transcends the boundaries of the ego. It penetrates deep within us and unless we live by that guiding light we are betraying ourselves. We cannot hide from the pain, so embrace it and realize the beauty in the sublime entropy in the spaces of time, for they exist only in our minds.
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