Sometimes in life we approach an impasse, a momentary stand still where there isn't much that can be done about anything. Those times often feel like a purgatory if you're anticipating something to happen in life and it can feel like a hell if you're dwelling on past events. So what do we do?
Well, we can sit around and dwell and anticipate, oscillating back and forth between depression and anxiety, or... we can contemplate and prepare for the future by analyzing the past but with a certain emotional detachment which comes more easily when one meditates. These are the tools with which one navigates the world of "neither here nor there."
In my own contemplations and meditations I can't help but ponder my own story with how I got here & what lessons are hidden underneath all the chaotic emotions and events that transpired. Indeed, just how many events are connected to that moment that led to my abrupt departure from everything and everyone in my life up to that point?
I hadn't expected to share any of the story that led me here yet, but now after speaking with a dear and close friend of mine I can't help but share a small, summarized snippet...
I bring you back to my birthday weekend whereupon I had the single most transcendental experience of my life following a concert I attended in downtown Oakland. Again, I shall not bugger you with details but I will say that I believed myself to have entered into a heightened state of awareness & after having experienced a series of synchronistic events that led me through much of San Francisco, I couldn't help but feel as though I was being initiated into a different level of understanding about myself and my relationships with the people and the world around me. This was a prelude to what has become an Alchemic transformation of the self, an initiation into the Mysteries is at hand.
One such synchronicity was my having wandered into a Rosucrucian Church in my attempts to get away from a shady character who would not stop following behind me after I naively befriended hours earlier. Entering the church I found myself gazing upon multiple beautifully colored Bibles that were kept in glass cases & written in Latin. Everything was written in Latin, all except one statement written on a small paper placed above one of the Bibles. It was typed and in English and It read, "Initiation For Adults." If I had my other phone I would upload a picture, but alas I lost it the day I fled my life. Anyways, as I was looking at the colorful Bibles the Church had started Mass and so I sat through it, but I left as they began to take their sacraments and I finishe my journey in heightened awareness until I finally got home later that night in San Jose.
I tell this story because two weeks later is when I left it all behind, a decent job, cheap rent, friends and soon I will be leaving even my family. Why is this important? Well for one it's one of my contemplations. Two, it's because it shows an example of how things work in the Spirit world, or what some may call the "Collective Unconscious", before the effects manifest themselves in the mundane, material & conscious world. And how does this knowledge benefit me you might ask?
One might say that in my heightened state of awareness, I was actually in a "Trance-ndental" state of mind, that is to say, I was in a hypnotic trance. In that state I believed myself to be an initiate into a metaphysical understanding of reality & therefore created within myself an impetus for change. After all, how can I be initiated into anything "Meta" while living a life that was as cathartic as my own during that time?
Moving forward I can see now that we can create our own subconcious programs and changes within ourselves, either through sheer will, or by trickery. In my case it was a bit of both but it isn't all one or the other, it's all about context. So, in preparing for my future I will begin by implementing new habits by way of contemplation, meditation and will power to begin preparation. My final thoughts are asking what new habits could we all create to better ourselves and humanity?
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